A Damaged Silent Woman

Once I’m in bed I cant stop, but wander what it would be like to belt out.

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Belt out and shout with such abusive and foul language at someone who has undermined me.

Belt out using all my sustained physical strength maybe against a glass door. Shatter it to pieces without a care in the world.

Belt out in any possible way to relinquish all horrible feelings. Relinquish thoughts I keep within my body and mind when someone has done me wrong or a bad situation has risen.

I feel like the more that I am in this field of work the more my goodness deteriorates. I can fight this all. I could fight all the evil, but imagine how difficult it is to do so when you deal with work every single day. Its a different day, maybe a different person, yet most likely the same situation. Just imagine. You spend most of your days (day and/or night) just working.

When I get angry I stay quiet. I walk away. I keep to myself and I tell myself to remain patient. I do worry that someday I may meet the person who may decipher my code and break through the cages of my inner beast. I do worry about the day that I may break that glass door. The day I may use foul language against someone to undermine them as they’ve done to me.

I’m angry all the time, sad all the time, depressed most of the time, sometimes happy.

Moreover, I worry. I know that I will hurt someone, same as all the others have hurt me. If so, my actions and the feelings I may have in the end I assure you would be nothing to be proud of.

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